Dead Or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball

In a perfect world we would not have to worry about being politically correct when we speak. We would not have to fear offending someone because of a misused phrase or comment. We could stare all day long at naked men and women bouncing their jollies on the telly for 24 hours and not worry about someone taking the TV stations to court. Thus we do not live in this fantasy world and therefore must abide by certain rules, however we can enjoy the finer things in life without sacrificing our rights and privileges. The point of this rambling (as if there ever is one) is that we can now look at boobies on our XBox and not feel ashamed of the consequences. If you are single, lonely, and haven’t had a date in a while or perhaps are too young to understand the finer things women have to offer such as conversation and companionship then this game is your Achilles heal. Of course being a large pervert is also a key factor in enjoying everything DOAXBV has to offer, but aren’t we all a little dirty on the inside?

Great Biggity Boobities!!
We start with the visual aspect which is basically the entire game. Looking at the scantily clad femme fatales from DOA strutting their stuff on the court is very pleasing to the eye. Gorgeous (literally) character models and sharp background make for a very relaxing look at gaming. Sure some things could have been disregarded such as the Gravure camera which allows you to zoom a little to close in on Ayane’s jollies but hey even the pervs need something to hang onto. It’s the little touches that make DOAXBV so breathtaking to the eyes, adding nail polish actually does just that, using tanning lotion makes your character brown, and even adding accessories the character retains a look as if it was programmed in from the beginning, flawless. The animations are questionable at times because of sudden jumps in movement but overall the game is a visual masterpiece than can be appreciated by any gender for various reasons.

Loving You….
The sounds of DOAXBV are rampant, each character is voiced by the same actor from DOA3. Giving each character their own set of taunts, dialogue, and the like add personality even if it is in Japanese. Hearing women grunt and squeak on the court is also relaxing, while perhaps a bit disconcerting. The music is laid out perfectly mixing some of the best tunes for such a style of game as well as allowing you to make your own vacation soundtrack. All of this presented in usual XBox fashion, Dolby Digital 5.1.

Touch Them, They Are Real!
Yes my friends and neighbors there is a game laying underneath it’s shell of beauty albeit a shallow one. The volleyball takes a maximum of 30 minutes to master and after that gaining money is a breeze. Keeping your partner on your team and happy is also key, but once you master the game she will most likely remain with you because you win every single game. If you so decide to pick another team mate make sure you butter them up before asking them to join. Check your instruction manual for tips on what gifts they would enjoy and make sure you remember their favorite color. This is the meat of the game but there is also many other things to do while visiting Zack island.

You can shop if that is your thing, buying accessories and items for you or your team mate(s). There is also a pool hopping mini game that allows you to calibrate your sensitivity on the analog buttons. At night you can venture to the casino for some gambling fun and you can also find yourself getting wrapped up in the collection aspect which includes nifty novelty items for DOA fans such as real time demos from past games and even a trailer for Team Ninja’s upcoming game Ninja Gaiden. The amount to do is almost endless but whether or not you enjoy repetition will decide your enjoyment.

Is This Better Than The Real Thing?
Well my friends I come down to the wrap up paragraph with my mind at a blank, this game is almost impossible to review for the simple fact that 50% of gamers will hate it and the other 50% will love it. Those offended by sexual innuendos need not apply and people who are not fans of DOA will find nothing to strive for. There really isn’t a game here per say but it does give you plenty to achieve. I guess my best suggestion is to rent the game and see where you end up. Sex is real this game is not, if you understand this and can accept it your life will be much greater. Rental Recommended!

Written by
Ken is the Editor-in-Chief of this hole in the wall and he loves to troll for the fun of it. He also enjoys long walks through Arkham Asylum and the cool air of Shadow Moses Island. His turn-ons include Mortal Kombat, Metal Gear Solid and StarCraft.