Heart of justice, body of steel!
Picture this: It’s the far future of 2089, Japan’s economy is booming, and the country is more advanced than ever, leading the world in technology and robotics. Unfortunately for its citizens, this version of Japan is still far from a utopia, as the entire country’s workforce has been turned into the “working dead,” cyborgs who are forced to partake in 24-hour workdays at the Meternal Jobz company. This is the bleak future predicted by Full Metal Schoolgirl, D3Publisher’s anti-establishment roguelike which puts us in the shoes of Akemi and Ryoko, two cybernetically augmented schoolgirls who must climb through 100 floors of the Meternal Jobz office building in order to free society from this evil company.
Full Metal Schoolgirl utilizes Japan’s ongoing issue with overwork and the culture surrounding it as its central theme, focusing its critique of harmful socially-mandated practices through cheerful and absurdist lenses to deliver an over-the-top revenge story. The game doesn’t necessarily have as much of a bite as other media that tackles the same themes, like Aggro Crab’s Going Under or Zom 100, but it does manage to throw in some very specific jabs at times, regardless of the fact that it does its best to not rock the boat too much.
MSRP: $49.99
Platforms: PC (reviewed), PlayStation, Switch
If the “climbing 100 floors” premise didn’t clue you in, Full Metal Schoolgirl is yet another roguelike, with most of its randomization coming from the weapons and mods you pick up during runs. Our weapon choices are somewhat limited, as the game weirdly forsakes a lot of staple guns, like assault rifles, SMGs, and pistols, instead opting for a smaller pool of slower weapons. To squeeze the most out of a limited arsenal, every weapon has its stats slightly randomized between each run, which helps to make them feel somewhat different from each other, although not by much.
Despite not being exactly varied, most of the game’s ranged weapons provide a satisfying amount of feedback when fired, blowing off enemy limbs or just straight up turning them into scrap depending on the damage dealt. They are a little too static, missing recoil or any sort of movement when used, but the overwhelming amount of destructible objects and modular enemies help mitigate this. Melee weapons fare even better in terms of impact and feedback, and constantly feel powerful to use against regular enemies. Unfortunately, they suffer the drawback of being almost entirely useless against bosses, since most fights require you to keep your distance while shooting at a weak spot instead.
Meta progression in Full Metal Schoolgirl comes in the form of cybernetic upgrades, which are installed by the perverted doctor Hakase as long as you have the required amount of money and spare robot parts. Every attempt to storm the Meternal Jobz building is broadcast through an in-universe streaming platform, which doubles as your main source of income as viewers submit cash chats, challenges that you can complete for money. The cash chats (no relation to YouTube’s Super Chats) can also be upgraded, gaining new requirements that make them harder but also double their payout, which is a fun way to reward skillful play.
It feels like a bit of a missed opportunity to not implement a Devil May Cry-esque style system by using the game’s livestream mechanic, especially since there’s already a gauge that measures viewer satisfaction depending on how many objects you break, which could serve as a resource multiplier depending on how well you do. Expanding on missed opportunities, there are also no real weapon unlocks or upgrades, meaning that what you see in your first run is about the same as what you’ll see in your last, just with higher damage numbers.
There are many small touches that make Full Metal Schoolgirl a charming game, like the upgrade menu being framed as a mad scientist’s torture room or the small transition animations between each floor, as well as some genuinely creative flourishes found in its character designs, like how Ryoko’s leg warmers and Akemi’s thigh-high socks are recontextualized as rocket thrusters, but none of those little details make up for how underwhelming the game is to play.
Full Metal Schoolgirl falls flat as a roguelike, failing to deliver on randomization, synergies, equipment variation, and interesting upgrades. Every attempt feels about the same in terms of structure, and it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the office floors might as well be static due to how little they change every time you start a new climb. D3’s earnest attempt at making an original roguelike does not go unnoticed, but as charming as it is, Full Metal Schoolgirl is still a subpar game, and the fact that it nears the price of an AAA title in some regions makes it even harder to recommend.
Review copy of game provided by publisher.